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Saturday, November 24, 2012

Are you Lion?

I decided to indulge in some "healthy" chocolate covered pomegranates the other day and of course Amelie wanted some too, so I told her she had to eat a small bag of carrots first.  I sat her on the couch with a cartoon, carrots and the magical bag of chocolate sitting just out of reach.  So I went about my business.

A few minutes went by and she came and asked me for the chocolates again.   I squinted my eyebrows knowing that carrots are not that easy to chew and could not have been eaten that quickly.  
Besides, she had that silly grin on her face that says, "But I'm cute so you should give me anything I want."  I felt myself falling for it and quickly shook it off and came back to reality.  So, I decided to give her a chance at making the right decision.  I asked her, "did you finish your carrots?"  She told me yes, and I asked, "honey, are you lying?"  She kinda laughed like I was the silly one and said ademantly, "NO".  I said, "are you sure?"  Still she was acting like my question was so silly so I decided to ask her, "Do you know what lying means?" 

She said, "Yes".  I was surprised since I didn't really think she would know what lying means even though I was sure she was lying in that moment.  So, I asked her, "What is lying?"  

She answered with pride...."It's a TIGER".

How could I deny chocolate to a response like that.  

Love her!!!

Monday, October 1, 2012

hair pulling

I have not had the time to blog.  I have had so many ideas and funny things that I would love to blog about, but keeping up is hard to do and blogging is not the priority.  That being said, I do write very intimate letters to the girls and I feel like I need to blog tonight's letter to Brielle.  It's been a problem since she was six months old and has finally stopped and it has caused me many tears and breaks my heart to think about.  Luckily, we made it through it and I feel like I reconciled the situation.  I will forever blame myself no matter what anyone says, but it made me love and cherish her more so in the long run, maybe it was meant to be.

So, here is my letter to my little B:

For the past 6 months you have slowly pulled all of you hair out.  You had the most beautiful, full, flowing red hair and it is all gone.  I was so perplexed about it and blamed myself thinking I had caused you stress, like I had done something wrong.  You handed me clumps of hair until there was just no more to pull.  Watching your beautiful locks disappear made me sad, but wondering why broke my heart.  Were you nervous, were you stressed?  Did I do something wrong?  Was I neglecting you?

My friends tried to encourage me to believe that it was just a weird habit and that you would get over it.  Well, they were kinda right because you are kinda a picker.  But I decided to pay a little more attention to you and hold you more and come to you when you cry just a little bit more.  Basically, I had to learn who you were because you are not your sister. You are sensitive in a different way and your needs are so different.

I immediately saw results and the hair pulling stopped.  I'm so glad I figured it out, but I will forever blame myself thinking that you spent a few months frustrated more than you needed to be because of my short comings.  I guess this is what makes a mom a good mom, because I care so much about you, but I'm sorry that I didn't figure it out sooner.  You will never know the difference and you are such a happy baby.   But, I will never forget it.  I have cried over it many times.  Thank you for being patient with me.  I'm learning new things too.  By the way, you just learned to walk this week and you are full throttle.  You are so proud of yourself and it's so fun to watch you enjoy your new skill.  I love you so much little B.

Friday, July 6, 2012

Bees and Ninjas

What is it about hornets that makes me feel like I'm an elephant that just saw a mouse? I cower, panic and my body freezes up. Then I look for that moment when I can run as fast as I can to a safe place? The great thing about motherhood is that you become a ninja warrior in the face of fear. Once my children are involved and I think this hornet might fly into my car and attack my children I start Karate chopping the air and using my body as a shield, but the minute I close the car door with my kids inside and me on the outside, I realize I'm weak again and run as fast and as far as I can away from this monster. There is a real sense of empowerment with motherhood and I like being their protector and advocate. I am certainly a momma bear and I understand that feeling of wanting to shred someone alive for messing with my babies. Thank you mother nature for helping me express myself today.

Friday, June 8, 2012

Taking the power back

If someone were to ask me what the best decision I ever made as a parent was, I would say "putting a backwards lock on Amelie's door". I know that doesn't sound very deep and loving, but after months of chaotic nights of irrational behavior and resistance, that little lock has made us all happy and relaxed. I have been wanting to turn Amelie's door lock backwards for a while now because it is so hard to get her to go to bed. We have been nice, we have been mean, we have tried it all!!! And she still gets up a lot. It can take up to two hours for her to stay in bed and go to sleep. Some people were telling me what an awful idea it was so I went against my own judgement and didn't do it. Well, last week I got so fed up that we finally put a lock on her door and it was the best thing I have ever done. The first night she was pissed. Is anyone surprised by this? What's new right? I'm immune to her being upset. I watched her through the monitor and at one point she literally had all fours off the ground. Her hands were gripping the handle and her feet were on the door. Seriously dude??? I felt my nose scrunch, my eyebrows pointed down, and my mouth hung open. And then I started shaking my head. I was disgusted, irritated, and just a slight bit sad for her. But since the first two emotions were stronger I shoved the feeling of sadness back into that part of the brain that never gets used. I am happy to say that the fit lasted a very short amount of time and after two days we don't even have to lock the door anymore. I will keep the lock there just in case she tries to get all Jurassic park on me (you know how the dinosaurs would come and test the fence just to see if there was a chance that the electricity was turned off) and test it again. I am very pleased with this situation and I feel like I took the power back once again one step at a time. The whole house is much more peaceful and Amelie has had to learn to control herself. A very good lesson indeed :)

Wednesday, May 30, 2012

Thumb Glove

I always knew the time would come that Amelie would have to stop sucking her thumb. And, I always knew that I would be strong enough to get through it with her but never expected such a young being to have so much will power. Amelie is a very avid thumb sucker and her mouth was showing signs of the buck teeth shape so I decided it was time to end it once and for all. She has never been allowed to suck her thumb any time other than to sleep but since I can't stop her while we are sleeping I found a glove that she can't take off. I did a ton of research and it's the best design out there for younger children because while older children want to stop because of social embarrassment, the younger ones could care less what society thinks of them. Here is the link... Http://thingerthumbglove.com/ So, this glove is nearly impossible for them to take off and that is what she needed. And so the drama begins...I first tried the glove at night and I had been talking about it for a whole week while we waited for it to come in the mail. Here is a picture of her last hoo rah. Notice the fear in her eyes...
At first she was a willing participant because she didn't yet realize how permanent this was going to be. But once she realized how determined and serious I was about it, the rage began. There was a lot of crying and screaming. She even threw herself on the floor, kicked and then pounded on the walls and her door. Biggest fit ever. I decided not to get upset with her but to tell her that she didn't need her thumb anymore to make herself feel better and that she has me or daddy or her favorite stuffed puppy to make her feel better. She was sad, angry, and confused but I was still impressed with her strength. I kept telling her I was so proud of her and that she was doing such a good job. Well that night after 45 minutes she got the glove off and her thumb nail was bleeding. I decided to let her go to bed without the glove but told her that we would try again tomorrow. The next day I put the glove on for nap time and she was PISSED!!! But this time it was only 30 minutes and she wore herself out and fell asleep with the glove on...hooray!!!! I even got some pictures of her after her nap. I was so proud of her and she knew it.
Well, it's been two weeks now and tonight she even reminded me to put her glove on. It's just part of the routine now. When she graduates from this issue and no longer needs the glove she gets to go buy a bunch of nail polish. She is very excited about it. I am so proud of her and I sometimes love her stubbornness because it shows me that she is strong. Life will not push her around. Luckily she has a mom that knows a thing or two about being stubborn though or else she would be out of control.

Tuesday, May 15, 2012

Mother's Day

I had a great Mother's Day weekend. It was the best so far.  The only thing I feel a little bad about is that the best parts of the weekend was my time away from the kids.  I know eventually my favorite times will be with them and not away from them, but 2 kids under 3 years old can be very annoying.  But, now that I have that off my chest, here's how my special weekend went:

Brad took me on a bike ride while Nana watched the girls.  I didn't realize I was so out of shape, but it felt great to get some real cardio and also have some chat time with my hubby.  The first stop was under a huge oak tree where my friend and I frequently walk the kids to in the stollers.  We usually stop under the shaded tree to adjust the kids, give them snacks, or fulfill any demand.  I told Brad that I just had to stop and enjoy the peace and quiet.  No demands, just a quiet break to catch my breath...awww.

Then we carried on and stopped to have a drink and an appetizer and check out some cool bikes at a bike shop.  Brad and I would love to get some beach cruizers. I found one with pink hearts and a huge bell that sounded like a loud door bell.  It was awesomely obnoxious and everything I want in a cruizer. (Santa Cruz here we come!!!) 

Brad even took me shopping for some clothes at this cute boutique.  I got myself a new outfit, which was so awesome.  I have not done that for a few years.  He made my day so awesome and I needed it.



We then came home.  I nursed the baby, took a shower and headed out to dinner at a duelling piano bar.  It was really fun.  I even wore my new outfit.  End of day 1....


Day 2:  We were so tired we didn't make it to church so we headed out to the beach for the day with Nana and Papa and the girls.  It was really fun but no naps means hard day for mom.  My typical Angel baby Brielle was fussy the ENTIRE time.  I mean she wouldn't shut up for hours....UGH.  But as usual, the beach is fun no matter what the circumstances.

The funny thing is, is that we got such great photos that I could pretend that my life is bliss and perfect, but let's be realistic.  Please enjoy the photos, but don't kid yourself.

This photo was right before she threw herself back in frustration and I literally watched a chunk of watermelon slide down the back of her throat. As I quickly threw her forward and started pounding on her back I realized it was a clean slide and did not obstruct her airway.  Phew...no choking.

Both of my girls really love the sand.  They have never been irritated by it's stickiness.  They love to dig right in and feel it.  Amazingly, Brielle never tries to put it in her mouth which makes it much easier for me.



Towards the end, the girls were very tired.  I even carried them both to the car at the same time.  Baby in the pack and toddler on my back.  I do love that I can be there for my girls when they need me even if it means carrying them both at the same time on a long walk.  I think it makes me feel not only needed, but empowered.

It was all worth it and we had a great day.  It's fun to make memories like these for your children.  Amelie talked about the beach a lot.  She even made up a song called, "goin' to the beach...goin' to the beach".  That night she told daddy that we should go to the beach again.  So cute.

Thank you to my family for the best Mother's Day yet

Tuesday, May 8, 2012

The protest

Brielle just got two teeth at the same time and while she handled the pain very well I believe she was trying to let know she was still not happy about it.

She started biting me and it was like needles in a place where needles don't ever need to be. She was doing it so bad that screaming and telling her no wasn't enough. She would actually laugh at me when I freaked out.

So, I had to flick her cheek and make her cry. I felt so bad and instantly felt some regret. She then protested the boob for the rest of the day therefore nursing only twice that day. She usually nurses four to five times a day.

I got so stressed and started feeling a disconnect from her that I didn't like. She went to bed for the night without a feeding but couldn't really go to sleep until 11 pm that night when she finally gave in leaving both her and I exhausted but relaxed. It was instant relief for me when she finally nursed because as a mom my job is to feed my babies and make sure they are healthy. I don't want to fail them.

I was amazed at the connection that nursing brings to a mother and her child and how emotional it was for me that she didn't want me.

Well, it has been a week now and all is well. No more biting and we are back to being the best of buds. I love my little Brielle. She is quite possibly the sweetest baby to ever exist.

Thursday, April 19, 2012

The Strong Willed Child

I had always heard of this description for some children and that it can often be misdiagnosed by people who just have unruly or difficult children.  It can sometimes be an excuse for parents who don't have control over their kids and by calling them strong willed it seems to get the parent off the hook.  Because of this I never wanted to admit that my own child might be strong willed but after a night like tonight, it's official, she IS strong willed.

I decided to do some research to confirm my thoughts on this and she fits the description to a T.  I have always said that I like her fire because I believe it will benefit her as an adult.  After researching it I felt good to find that I am right.  Here is what they had to say:

Strong willed children can be a challenge to parent when they’re young, but if sensitively parented, they become terrific teens and young adults.  Self-motivated and inner-directed, they go after what they want and are almost impervious to peer pressure.  As long as parents resist the impulse to "break their will," strong-willed kids often become leaders.  


here is a good link for more info...http://www.ahaparenting.com/parenting-tools/positive-discipline/Parenting-Strong-Willed-Child


I was very proud to read this and it was much needed because I had reached such a heightened level of frustration I was determined that I was going to spank her until she submitted. I'm so glad I didn't thanks to my loving husband and partner in crime.

I too was a very strong willed child and I'm afraid that if I am not careful, my will to be right will break her spirit and confidence.

The article also said that, "When their heart is set on something, their brains seem to have a hard time switching gears.  They have big, passionate feelings and live at full throttle.


This was the defining moment for me.  This has been the absolute battle lately.  I feel like I am supposed to win every battle but I also have to offer respect and empathy.  I need to figure out what she wants and why.  I need to listen to her and allow her to express herself.  I still need to be in charge, but I am dealing with such a bright little girl that I need to allow her to have a point of view.  I don't have to agree with everything, but I need to calmly guide her through her adrenaline rushes.  She gets so worked up that I can literally feel her heart pounding and she almost stares at me with a desperate look of helplessness.  I truly believe there are times where she can not stop herself and my rage is NOT going to help the matter.

I can typically remain calm, but sometimes it's too much for me and I flip out.  At that point it's a battle of wills and it's very unhealthy.  The amount of emotion and passion that she and I have gets so escalated it's scary.   She is truly the biggest challenge in my life.

I will continue to pray over her, pray for myself, and research how to lovingly and calmly parent her but I need help and I need input.

I am going to download "the strong willed child" by James Dobson to my iphone tonight.  Let's pray for new beginnings and happy 2 year olds.

Wednesday, April 4, 2012

I just dwibbled a wittle bit

This is Amelie's new saying for when she sorta pees her pants.  It's pretty funny.  She usually waits until the last second to tell me that she has to go potty, so little dwibbles happen a lot.

Tonight, we were at a friends house for dinner and she was laughing so hard at one of the kids that she yelled "mommy, I just dwibbled a wittle bit"  and then kept laughing and said, "I just went pee pee in my pants".

We were cracking up.  Luckily she has her padded undies to catch the dwibbles.  If she keeps up this humor I might have to get some for myself....LOL

Just call me the bulldogger

One of these days I am going to mistake Brielle for a calf and tie her ankles to her wrists.  When it's time for a diaper change I feel like I have entered the rodeo arena and my event is steer wrestling.  I literally have to use my whole forearm to hold her chest down so that she cant flip over to her stomach.  If she breaks through the hold and gets onto her stomach I will try to wipe her booty but she tightens her butt cheeks so tight I cant get in and clean her crack.

If I try to tell her no she looks at me and laughs.  It can be very annoying, but I think it's more funny than it is annoying.  If I took the frustrated route at every diaper change I would never be happy, so I guess I have to embrace the silliness of a busy child and applaud her independence and curiosity.

I love you Brielle, but if I find some rope laying around the house, watch out, you might get hobbled.

(This might be too many hill billy references for my city friends...oh well...google it...LOL)

Friday, March 23, 2012

Big Teeth

Apparently Amelie has interpreted that if you have big teeth you can say big words that someone with smaller teeth can not say.  When she feels like she can not say a word or a phrase she tells me she can not say it because she does not have big teeth yet.  It's pretty cute and I like the way her brain is working.  It's amazing how kids comprehend and interpret things.

It kinda teaches me how to look at things differently too.  It's a very basic approach to life and sometimes I desire to think like a child.  I often wish I could just spend a few moments in her head.  I even try to remember my own child hood and how I interpreted things differently than I do as an adult.

Lately I have been watching the movie Annie and realizing how different it is to watch it now but how it also gives me gitty and happy goose bumps like it did when I was a kid.  It's a happy place for me.  I love tapping into the carefree world of children.  I want to provide that place for Amelie and Brielle for as long as possible.  It's magical and once it's gone the only thing that gets you back there is alcohol...ha ha ha, just kidding.

The most annoying sound in the world...

...lies somewhere between Brielle's lungs and diaphragm.

Somehow Brielle figured out how to grunt and groan with all her might at a very loud and annoying level. It's horrible and we all hate it.  Brad decided to start blowing in her face to maybe teach her about consequence.  I usually tend to take my role as nurturer and stick up for her, but this time I just can't do that.  It's a sound that makes me mad and frustrated and I just want her to shut up.

What's funny is that even I have blown in her face a few times and now Amelie does it.  She even says, "NO, Brielle, nobody likes that sound...it's ugly."  OH MY.  What have I done...ha ha.

For the most part, Brielle is the happiest baby on the planet, but lately she gets very frustrated in the evenings.  I think her teeth are moving and she just needs extra attention.

She is the sweetest little Bee in the world, but that sound has got to go.

If I could have a going away party for it, I would, but for now I guess we all have to live with it.  Oh well, we still love her like crazy.

Monday, March 12, 2012

The Pee Pee Dance

I have always heard of the pee pee dance but have never really seen Amelie do it until the other night.  When she has to go she usually just announces it and runs to the bathroom. (Technically she is always running, she never really just walks anywhere :)

So, what happened is that she came in and announced that she needed to go pee pee and ran into the bathroom, but told me to stay in my room because she wanted to do it herself.  Well, she was starting to panic so I just assumed that she couldn't get on the toilet and chickened out.  (Sometimes she gets scared to get on the toilet by herself).  So, I went in and told her I would spot her and to try again, but she just started jumping up and down and bending her knees frantically.  I was thinking to myself...what is wrong with her right now?  Well, all of a sudden it was like a splash of fluid was running down the toilet, splashing on my shirt, my pants, and all over the floor. It was everywhere and it was in every direction.  My goodness...you think your pee is like a steady stream...well, it's not...it sprays.

So, I quickly got her on the potty, but there was a huge mess to clean up.  The pee pee mess is obvious, but the other mess was her emotions.  She gets so upset when she makes mistakes so I have to be very gentle and tell her it's ok.  She loves it when I say..."Poor baby"..."Poor Amelie".  She likes the baby talk a little bit and it's really cute when she repeats it.

After all was said and done I realized what the pee pee dance really looks like and how I completely missed her cues.  We are so tightly knit and I don't like it when I misunderstand her.  As her mom I want to understand her completely. I want to be there for her like no other human being can do.  I missed it a little this time, but learned something new.

Even when you are helping your children, they might pee on you, but it's ok, just change your clothes because it will happen again, and again.

Friday, March 9, 2012

Giggles

I have always looked forward to the infectious giggling aspect of having girls.  I loved giggling with my friends as a little girl and still do, although it doesn't happen enough as an adult anymore. Yesterday, that moment came for Amelie and her friend Ella.

We took the girls to the park and put them in the swings next to each other and it brought me great joy to watch them giggle at each other.  They are becoming such good buddies.

Giggling brings such a joyous feeling to life.  I have one friend in mind that would make me laugh infectiously for very long periods of time.  She was my high school friend Marci.  I remember the pain in my side and my facial muscles tightening, but it felt so good.  As we get older we get so serious and I need those moments of letting go and laughing so hard you pee your pants.  Ok, so these days, all it takes is a sneeze to pee my pants, but whatever...LOL.

I can't wait to laugh with Amelie and listen to her giggles with her friends and especially her sister.  I can already see it brewing in them.  Brielle already smiles a lot at Amelie and watches her movements.  I think very soon they will be laughing together and it will be music to my ears.

In times of trial, I love to see their innocence and carefree spirits.  I want them to live in this happy bubble for as long as possible.  I guess we will just have to laugh along with them and I look forward to it.

Friday, February 24, 2012

So Cold

So, we have a toilet seat cover that has a small built in kiddie size part to it that Amelie sits on so that she does not fall in.  Well, I've gotten so used to putting it down for her that lately I will accidentally put it down for myself.

As if toilet seats aren't cold enough as it is.  Adding more cold material just makes me jump up and yelp.  It is so cold and uncomfortable that it reminds me about the constant sacrifices I make as a mother.

So many things are going through my mind when this happens.  Here are just a few:
*Can I just pee with some dignity and privacy?
*Can I just sit down in comfort and relax?
*Will I ever have enough down time to actually think about what I'm doing and not have to rush every motion?
*Will there ever be a time when I'm sitting here ALONE?
*What was it like before I had a peanut gallery and I had to tell her to back up and give mommy some space?
*Will I ever be this comfortable with anyone else?  Probably not :)

Sometimes I am annoyed by her bathroom presence and her questions and announcements of what's going on in there, but I love that we are so comfortable with each other.  It's so natural and you can't find that anywhere else in your life.  That's why having kids is so amazing.  It's like no other and I love her presence even when I have to ask her to step back and keep her hands to herself.

Some day I might miss the little toilet seat cover but for now it just reminds that I have a big cold butt.

Friday, February 17, 2012

Putting my foot down

Well, I have gotten some good advice on how to deal with the night time tantrums and they are working.  I realized that I was actually nurturing Amelie too much.  It was hard to come to this realization because as mom's we don't easily see beyond our job to nurture.  But, she was getting unruly, whiny, and demanding.

All that I had done for the first two years of her life to create independence was disappearing and I didn't know why.  She was starting to need me a lot, and especially at bed time.  Well, what I realized is that she had learned manipulation.  She was using me to not have to go to bed and deal with it.

So, the first night I told her that I will give her all the kisses, hugs, and cuddles that she needed, but once I leave it's bed time and no more affection.  When she got up and came out of her room and I told her to go to bed she went into her room and screamed, cried, and banged her fists on the door.  She even threw herself on the floor and started thrashing her room.  It was beyond irrational.

Finally, she went to sleep.

The 2nd night, I told her the same stuff, but that if she got up that Daddy was going to deal with her.  The funny thing is, she stayed in bed.  It's amazing the affect that Dad's have on kids.  When the dad is not in control and allows his kids to walk on him, the home is chaos. There is a natural hierarchy and when men do not assume this role, it makes life miserable for women.

Thank you Brad for being the leader of our family and making my life easier.  Go team Roeber!!!

Sunday, February 12, 2012

Unconditional Love

With Valentine's Day coming up I wonder if this is coincidence or divine intervention, but my love tank has been tested to the extreme this week.  I have had the song "crazy" by gnarls barkley in my head and it sums up Amelie in a nut shell.

Especially this part:

"Come on now...who do you, who do you think you are.
Ha ha ha, bless your soul,
You really think you're in control?
Well I think you're crazy
I think you're crazy...."

Well, I had finally hit my limit last night when from 12-2am she screamed and cried hysterically while we tried all sorts of different things to make her happy and make her go to bed.  By 2am she finally decided to cuddle with me in bed and she started to settle, smile, and even chit chat a little bit.  We fell asleep until 5:30am when she woke up to her head falling off of Brad's shoulder and she decided she wanted to sleep in her own bed, so she did until 8am. 

I was tired, beat down, and kinda angry.  We still got up and went to church, and I'm so glad we did.  To be honest, I was starting to feel bitterness toward her and that maybe I'm just not going to like her at age 2.  Nights like these happen often and her hysteria gives me grey hairs and knots in my neck.

As church started they played a video about your love for your child and how they are so sweet at birth but the challenges they bring while they grow up.  But, the fact is...they grow up...THEY GROW UP.  And, I want to cherish her every moment because on days like this when I'm beyond what I thought I could handle, I do handle it and I get through it, and I love her dearly.

I finally realized today that only through my children can I even imagine how much my maker loves me.  I can be stubborn, I can fight him, scream at him, rebel against him, hit him, throw things at him, kick and scream when he gives me rules....and even come back crying, feeling sorry and shameful and he will open his arms and love me like I was a brand new baby....Just like I love Amelie.  It's so deep it tears at my deepest fiber.

well, if you know the song "crazy", you will know that I left out the last line..."just like me"

So, to sum it up...Amelie, I think you're crazy, but you're just like me....I love you, will you be my Valentine?

Wednesday, February 8, 2012

Me and my Bee

If you know the band Sublime please sing along with me...."Me and my Bee we have this relationship..."

This is the tune I like to sing whenever Brielle plays in her saucer. There is this bee that she has formed a very intense relationship with. I thought I would add some pictures so you could see her amazement every time she sees this bee. Although the flash on my camera might be amazing her, it's the closest I could get to the real thing.

It's cute to watch her learn new things and just have her mind blown. The first thing she does is look at it really hard, grab it with all her might and of course, she tries to eat it.

I've realized that babies treat their tongue like it's an extra hand. It's like their greatest feeler. But Mr. Bee doesn't seem to mind. Thanks Mr. Bee for keeping my little B happy.

Ninja Thumb

Brielle has figured out how to nurse and suck her thumb all at the same time. While she is nursing she slowly and slyly moves her thumb toward the side of her mouth and it just slips in. She actually can keep her latch. It's pretty cute. She will even do it if she is sleeping and nursing, so it's becoming a habit. I am constantly pulling her thumb away but oh well. It's a cute little tick that I will some day miss so I take it in stride.

I do feel some inferiority complex though. As if my boobs aren't good enough for her. She has to add her precious thumb into the picture. And while Brielle is learning to suck her thumb, Amelie is learning not to suck her thumb. For months I have been teaching her to squeeze her blankie whenever she has the urge to suck her thumb. And she is not allowed to do it in front of me.

Since she knows I don't want her to do it, she now asks me if she can suck it. Usually I say no, but there are still time like when she is overly tired or sick. I think it's cute that she asks.

I love the honesty in children. I remember when my step mom would tell me to go tell my dad what I had just done and I would actually go tell him. She later told me that she was always surprised that I would actually do it. There is such a beautiful innocence to children. That must be why Jesus told us to be like children. They are so unblemished by consequences.

Well, I know that thumb sucking is frowned upon by many, but it hasn't seemed to be a problem for us. It's been pretty easy breaking Amelie from it and yes, her teeth are a little weird, but I can already see them straightening out because she doesn't do it much anymore. I just think if you don't let them overdo it, it's fine. And, I would never be able to keep track of pacifiers, so go ahead Brielle...suck away.

Thursday, February 2, 2012

Cloth Diapering

Cloth diapers used to be something of the past, but it is coming back full force. As we all strive to be green there has been a growing market in the cloth diapering industry and I applaud the innovation. There are some incredible cloth diaper brands and I truly believe it can be just as easy as disposables.

I have been cloth diapering since Amelie was 6 months old. I had my ups and downs, but once I got my groove I haven't looked back. I actually enjoy diapering my kids because I'm doing it with a purpose. It's not just a dirty chore. I have been wanting to blog about this to raise awareness. There are people out there that love the idea, but think they could never do it. But once you realize how amazing these diapers are, you may love it like I do. I can truly say it's a hobby for me. It's not the cloth and pins like it used to be.

If you are teetering and considering making the switch I am here to help. I will listen and offer as much advise as possible. I've done many many hours of research, so you could say that I have my degree in cloth diapering.

So, if there is anyone out there that wants to do it, but who thinks they can't...you are wrong, and Super Amy is here to rescue you and our planet. :)

You have a whole planet to sneeze on

We were putting Amelie to bed tonight and the dog walks up to Brad, looks at him, and sneezes in his face. Brad then says, "You have a whole planet to sneeze on...Go sneeze somewhere else!!!"

This cracked me up and instantly gave me a reason to blog tonight.

Isn't this so true when it comes to kids? When they get their first cold or their first tooth, they don't know what to do with this excess snot coming from their noses. But, even worse, they don't really care. And even more worse, they can't resist sticking their tongue in it. YUCK!!! I remember teaching Amelie that if she sneezed, not to touch it, and I would run and get a tissue. She was very good about it, but she could never resist reaching her tongue toward her nose...Good Lord...it's even worse to write about it.

And then comes teaching them to cover their nose when they sneeze. If you get a nice ray of sun coming through your window and they stand just right, you can truly see how much junk is floating through the air when they sneeze.

I know, not the best topic. But next time this happens to you just say..."You have a whole planet to sneeze on...Go sneeze somewhere else!!!"

Wednesday, February 1, 2012

Men...do we really need them?

Now that I have my babies, I wonder sometimes..."Do I really need him around"? Well, the answer is YES, absolutely YES. But, I had a very much NO moment today when I walked around his side of the bed, tripped on a pile of his crap and slammed my foot down on his belt buckle, which then pierced through and punctured my foot. You know that part of a buckle that hooks into the whole of the belt? Yeah, that went all the way into my foot. Blood was gushing and I was angry, cursing, crying, and trying to figure out how I was going to get from my bedroom to the kitchen without dripping blood all over the carpet.

Meanwhile, I had just put the baby down for a nap and was watching the clock tick tick tick.
I was just about to lay down and take a nap (something I never get to do) and something like this happens. And it was HIS fault!!!

Well, I recovered and even simmered down. By the time he got home, I was not angry, but made it very clear WHY he needs to pick up his crap. I'm clumsy and I trip a lot. He knows this, so why after 8 years can he not just pick it up!!!

Oh well, I still love him, but I do wish that he could take my tetanus shot for me. If that were the case I would have them put it in his ass!!!

Tuesday, January 31, 2012

She's so Emo

I don't know if this is a California slang, but I hear kids referring to emotional people as Emo. At first I cringed at this word because it makes emotional people look like losers, but then I had a two year old. I have to admit that she can be very irrational and it's draining me of my energy. I'm not saying she is a loser, but I don't mind calling her Emo.

The terrible twos are quite the challenge and I see why people say consistency is so important. I think she is a very good little girl, but she is extremely sensitive and stubborn. It makes me think back to when she was a baby and how everyone thinks the first year is the hardest, but I loved my little pal. I agree that the first year is challenging, but there is something about a first child. It's 100% one on one and I miss it. I wish I would have blogged when she was a baby so that I would have kept those moments that can be so quickly forgotten.

I have more time to bond with Brielle than I thought I would, but it will never be like when Amelie and I were super pals. Now, my mind is racing faster, and there is more activity that takes me away from Brielle. Luckily I have my Wednesdays where nana takes Amelie so that Brielle and I can have the whole day together. It's amazing.

I had an hour of alone time with Brielle tonight because Brad took Amelie to the store. I had a very happy and Emo moment with her. I was listening to Pandora radio and a song called American Honey came on by Lady Antebellum. I was dancing with Brielle and she was smiling and enjoying it very much. I just looked at her and started to tear up. She is my American honey and I realized that the first year is all about falling in love with this person you hardly know. Even though she is my child I don't know fully know her yet. It takes time and I can't wait to find out who she is and what she will become. And, it's those moments where you bond and learn something about your child just from a smile or a laugh.

I am madly in love with my girls and I thank God for them. Biggest blessings of my life :) They make me so Emo, but in a very good way.


Calm

I have a friend that keeps telling me how calm I am with having two kids. I think she is my favorite person right now. It's funny how chaotic you can feel inside and then someone tells you something like this and you feel shock, surprise, and gratitude. I never give myself credit for remaining calm and allowing things to go wrong or differently than I had planned. I have been known to be a control freak and a little OCD. I think kids have broken me of this and it's liberating.

But, I couldn't have done it on my own. All moms need a good support system. You gotta have good friends and people to share your ups and your downs with. I am so grateful for all my friends who support me and allow me to be there for them as well.

So, raise your glass to friends, family, and anyone that supports you during motherhood.

I just want to thank you all :)

Sunday, January 29, 2012

Mommy's Blog

Amelie took her little pink computer with her on a car ride and started saying that she has mommy's blog on her computer. I was very proud. She kept showing me and saying "See, I have mommy's blog on my computer". She then said that she has her own blog and even daddy's blog on her computer too.

And then to bring it back to a 2 year old level, she said that her blog was on her boob.

Allrighty then.

Saturday, January 28, 2012

The little engine that couldn't

Amelie is capable of so much, but she gives up too easily on things. Her name means "hardworking" and I often wonder if she is not living up to it. Her new thing is "I can't do it" so I have been telling her to try it first and then ask for help. She is getting better and will sometimes say " I CAN do it", or "I DID it". She can be very proud of herself, but needs a little pushing.

I noticed this behavior at such a young age. Even as an infant she would try new things but give up quickly. Maybe she knew she would learn it eventually, so no rush. Brielle couldn't be any more the opposite. She wants to check everything out and she is starting to watch Amelie's every move. (I'm just glad Brielle can't take her own clothes off since that is what Amelie is always doing)

One thing Amelie is learning right now is to go potty on the toilet by herself. She is very independent so when she does decide to learn something new, she wants to do it all by herself. She tells me not to touch her or help her. She gets her step stool and pushes herself onto the toilet all by herself. She then puts her hands over her mouth with great excitement, so I join her and we get excited together. It's fun.

Parenting is most challenging because we are dealing with simple but yet complex little people. They know what they want, but they don't always know why. I feel like I want to know why she does things, but she can't tell me. She tries, but she doesn't grasp the explanation.

Our biggest challenge right now is that she refuses to stay dressed at bed time. She pees the bed, she is cold, and tonight she woke up knowing she had to pee, but it was too late, so she squatted on the floor and peed. She was screaming and crying so Brad ran in and here she was popping a squat. Then, we found her pajamas and her diaper stuffed in her toy box...WHAT???

WHY???

Well, Nana Pam is making her some pajamas tomorrow with a zipper on the back. That's the only thing we can think of right now. Hopefully it will work.

Until tomorrow my little naked engine. You CAN do it :)

Tuesday, January 24, 2012

Down Time

Awww, the girls just went down for their naps, I've just kicked my feet up and start leisurely playing with my phone. The next thing I know, I can hear balls being pushed into the air by this machine playing loud music. Ah yes, Amelie has decided to play with loud toys instead of taking a nap. The funny thing is, is that she probably thinks noone can hear her.

So, I walk in to tell her to go back to bed and if you have been reading my blog you could probably guess that she is once again naked. I've given up on diapers and clothes. She loves to be free and I can't blame her.

A few weeks ago I decided to surrender to the fact that I just don't get down time during the day. This has actually made me happier and more content when they wake up. I'm not bothered by them waking up anymore. I'm just embracing their presence and enjoying it. But, it took me a while to surrender to this and I'm happy to say I feel more peaceful during the day with lower expectations.

The moral of this story...Don't leave loud toys in a toddlers bedroom. ha ha ha

Monday, January 23, 2012

A Birthday Suit

For the last two nights Amelie has insisted on sleeping naked, not just in her underwear or a diaper, NO, I mean totally buck. Her two year old mind can't answer the question "why" yet, so tonight I figured it out through trial and error. She is potty trained by day, but not by night and I think she does not like a wet diaper on her skin anymore.

After the 3rd time of her coming out of her room totally naked and me getting her re-dressed and telling her to stay in bed; I was getting frustrated. So, I told her that if she does it again I am going to spank her bare booty. I like to remind her that a bare booty spanking hurts more than a diaper swat. Well, she did it again and I told her to get on her bed and turn over because I was going to spank her booty. So, she willingly rolled over and in a split second it occured to me that this isn't right. She is trying to tell me something and I can't spank a child for not wanting to wear a diaper. She is potty training...HELLO!!! So, I grabbed the diaper on the floor and sure enough, it was wet.

Instead of getting annoyed, I am chosing to think she is amazing. This girl potty trains herself and she knows when she is ready for stuff. Although I have not potty trained a toddler before, I am thinking that I'm lucky. She WANTS to do it and I think that is rare, so I need to be patient and listen to her cues. If she pees the bed, oh well. I have enough minky dot sheets to last a few days thanks to Nana Pam and I have chux pads from the hospital to protect the mattress.

My sweet little Amelie...you always know what you want and I love you for that. I will be waiting for you in the middle of the night whether it's "mommy, I have to go pee pee", or "mommy, I peed".

Brielle's friend Mat

Brielle's best friend is Mat. He is a colorful character, keeps her attention for long periods of time, and likes to sing the same song over and over and over again. His first name is play and he has no last name.

Yes, my friends, her best friend is her play mat. And, it has also become my best friend because it allows me to get things done. All I have to do is check in here and there, give a big smile, and squeal some lovely delights her way. She then kicks and smiles and carries on like her and Mat have things to do.

It's amazing to me the simplicity a baby requires. All she needs is some color, music, and a few textures and voila....MIND BLOWN!!!

As a first time mom, I would feel guilty for leaving Amelie in her mat, like I wasn't giving her enough attention. But I've realized that babies let you know when they need you. I think Brielle needs more attention than Amelie did and Amelie is still very independent. It takes more of my time to keep Brielle happy, but I'm embracing it because she is the sweetest and smiley-est baby I've ever known. I'm literally falling in love with her. I think it's healthy to admit that it takes time to connect with your children and I'm loving the connection that she and I are forming.

Thanks Mat for helping me every day to get things done around the house and keeping my little B happy :)

Thursday, January 19, 2012

Stating the Obvious

It's funny how kids like to point out the obvious. Amelie likes to announce if someone has tooted, or tell you what color everything is. She also is starting to understand that things match, so she finds two of the same color and asks "this match"?

My favorite is when she is upset and crying, she will say "Amelie crying" or "Amelie happy". It's obvious that she is crying, but I wonder if she is trying to convince herself that she is happy, like maybe it's the only way she is going to pull through such devastation, by screaming out "Amelie happy".

She can be very emotional and while she has a strong personality, she is very sensitive and caring. I didn't notice this in full force until Brielle came along. Amelie truly loves her and it's a blatant answer to prayer. I did not expect her to love Brielle. I expected jealousy and frustration and she is none of that. She wants Brielle in her life and she wants to nurture her and protect her. One of the most amazing feelings a mom can have is for her children to truly love each other and even like each other.

Thank you God for this blessing. This is how you show yourself to me. :)

Amelie...isms

I have been wanting to write down some of Amelie's botched words because they are so adorable. The funny thing about Amelie is that if you correct her, she pronounces it even stronger in her form. Of course...she's like her mom. And, she still talks in 3rd person a lot, which is cute but she is learning to use I and me. She is also learning to say May I have this, but it comes out like "May I Amelie wanna have this"

Here are a few:

Dinky = Blankie (This one is from about 6 months ago, she now says blankie, but I miss dinky)
Sodat = Soda (Daddy's sodat, mommy's sodat, Amelie want sodat...ha ha)
Glassen = Glasses
Ambry Birds = Angry Birds
Ampy Kim = Auntie Kim
Clop = Clock
Jesus House = Church
Howp, Howp = Help, Help (She can say help perfectly now, but she just saw a video of herself learning to walk and she was saying howp howp in the video, so she just started saying it again. She loves watching baby Amelie in videos...so cute)
Fix the eyses = This is the story of when Jesus healed the blind man and she wants us to read it to her every night. And, apparently mommy and daddy are Adam and Eve.
Ever, Ever, Ever = This is what she repeats to me lately to tell me she wont ever, ever, ever do something she knows she should not do. (example-Amelie dont ever, ever, ever touch this)

And, my favorite..."Shhh, Bwielle Sweeping"

Swift kick in the...

Have you ever wished you could write a word on your foot and kick it into someone or something? Today I was wanting to write the word sense on my foot and kick it into my dog. You know...kick some sense into him.

I love Forest and Wyatt, but they are Weimaraners. No matter what...they are annoying. The amount of energy that builds up in these dogs is ridiculous. I know their lives have changed a lot since we have had kids but I have moments where I want to just leave the front door open and hope they find a better home. But the reality is, they are great dogs. Forest is great with my children, and I love him.

Brad says that kids who grow up without dogs are weird. I wouldn't take it that far, but I think it's his way of convincing me to keep the dogs. I have moments where my crazy meter just goes off and my first victims are the dogs. It's like I have 4 little beings sucking life out of me and if I could just get rid of one or two of them maybe life would be easier. NEVER do I want to get rid of my kids, just to make this clear, but I DO like to send them over to Gramma's. Luckily, she loves my dogs too and I am very grateful for her help. Every mom needs help. Don't ever try to do this motherhood thing by yourself. It just doesn't work.

Now, if I could get some Vapoorize, life would be much easier.

I'm sorry honey...it's dead

It's hard to teach children about things that die. This lesson in life has finally come for Amelie. She is already learning that things die and it breaks my heart that she has to learn this at such a young age. Something very special to her died today. There were tears, there was screaming, she was even mad. And, you think how could a two year old grasp this concept.

Well, I'm happy to say that the ipod is charged now, and she is back to her happy self.

PHEW...crisis averted!!!

Another Brad...ism

I was just thinking about another funny thing that Brad did a while back at work.

His IT guy was working on his computer and as they were talking about how to transfer data, the guy shows him a usb flash drive that is dangling around his neck and says, "that's why I have one of these", (as if it's like the coolest new trend) so Brad tells him that he does not have a usb hanging from his neck but what he does have is one of these. He then points to a picture of me...his wife.

This guy cracks me up.

Wednesday, January 18, 2012

Somewhere between zz top and homeless

"There's only two kinds of people that walk this earth beardless...Boys, and Women...and I am neither."

This is how Brad convinced me to accept that he had decided to grow a beard. How did I find this joker?

I was not a fan of the beard idea at first but after about a month it has softened up and I have grown quite fond of it. I kinda like the mountain man look.

It's also attracting a lot of attention. He had a buddy stop by the other day just so he could show his father in law Brad's beard. They asked him how long he was going to let it grow and he replied "somewhere between zz top and homeless". Where does he come up with this stuff? I will admit that my husband can be pretty witty and funny.

So far, Brielle loves it when he rubs his beard on her naked belly. She giggles and squeals with delight. It's pretty cute.

I wonder if mommy would react the same way...ha ha ha.

Monday, January 16, 2012

45 Minute Intruder

So, I am babywise mom. I think the concept of scheduling and crying it out just works for me. Now Brielle is much harder to control and I've accepted that, but one thing she has struggled with the most what the book calls the "45 minute intruder". Apparently, babies need at least two 1.5 hour naps a day but for some reason they like to wake up half way through. Brielle is down to the minute. Once 45 minutes is up, she is awake and it's killing me. Not only does this not give me any time to myself, but she is still tired when she wakes up.

So, what I've been doing is letting her cry and if she gets to elevated I just go and put a pacifier in her mouth. She has taken to the pacifier all of a sudden and it's been awesome.

Well, good news!!! Today she woke up, looked around, rubbed her eyes, and went back to sleep. Thank you GOD, and thank you Babywise for guiding me through this process. I am realizing that it only takes a few tries of sticking to your guns and babies adjust very quickly. I am really starting to see my days getting easier...I'm crossing my fingers for a new and wonderful pattern of excellent sleep.

My stallion is taming.


Sunday, January 15, 2012

Hey Woser

Apparently I often call the dogs losers because now my two year old runs after them saying..."Hey Woser, Hey Woser". Brad is not fond of this, but I think it's hilarious. She also likes to squirt them with water when they bark and shake her finger at them and tell them "NO, NO". I think it's a good thing that she becomes a pack leader because Weimaraners are constantly fighting for position. They are pushy and hyper and my girls need to know how to control them.

We also ask Amelie "What's Wyatt" and she says "He's old". Then we ask her "What's Forest" and she says "He's a bad boy". ha ha ha ha. That one's going to stick.

It's been fun watching a child learn to talk. People always talk about how funny toddlers/kids can be and I'm starting to see why. I never liked babysitting other kids, so I didn't have much experience with them before. But, I really appreciate kids now that I've had my own. I can relate to them better now and I can say that I actually like kids even though sometimes they too can be Wosers...ha ha ha.

I am not a chew toy, nor am I a chalkboard

Um, excuse me, if you need to look at something, can you let go first? And, if you are frustrated, can you consider biting something else??? I know you are just a baby, but dont you think after the millionth time that I squeal and jab you in the ribs that you could start to associate that what you are doing is totally inappropriate?

If you haven't figured it out yet, Brielle has decided that I am her chew toy. Let's just say that I don't think that part of my body is supposed to stretch that far. And to top it off, she runs her nails down my skin like a chalkboard.

The crazy thing is, is that when I get after her she looks at me and smiles the biggest gummy grin and I just love her for it.

I'm amazed at how much abuse I can take and they still melt my heart. I almost try to lose my temper just because being crazy just feels good some times, but God is showing me that I'm not as intense as I thought I was. I'm actually so in love with my kids that my anger can turn into laughter and my temper is fighting to exist. If I am tired or sick and run down, the temper lives; otherwise, I think my kids might have it pretty good. :)

Saturday, January 14, 2012

Order and Symmetry

I'm the type of person that can not handle chaos. I like order and symmetry. This apparently does not work very well with motherhood. I do however love how motherhood changes my perspective and priorities. I still keep my house fairly clean and orderly, but some moments it's like a hurricane went through my house and I've learned to just pick certain things to clean up. It's like I have to look at my house in phases, otherwise I will go insane.

My first experience with an artistic/non-orderly person was my college dorm roommate, Kimberly Weeldreyer. I remember when we were moving our stuff in together and I was placing small items on the dresser for decoration. Now keep in mind that each piece was in the perfect spot and was positioned just right. She comes over and moves them all around and says something like not everything has to be symmetrical. Ummm, yes it does. I remember stepping back and realizing that my world was not the same world for everyone else and that I was going to have to adjust. This girl was going to teach me some things. She is still a very dear friend and I love her but that doesn't mean I would let her come change my house around...ha ha ha.

I think the same is happening with my kids. They are teaching me so much about myself. Sometimes I have to let go of what I want to control in order to allow them to be themselves and thrive in who God has created them to be and I love to watch them explore and learn.

While we teach our kids to learn and reflect we too are doing the same. I appreciate all the people in my life that have made me who I am today and I thank God for my kids who will continue to challenge me and make me a better person...most of the time, because sometimes they make me a bad person too, but let's try to keep those moments at bay :)

Brielle the Stallion

Well, I finally decided to take crying it out to another level. I have been letting Brielle CIO as they call it since about 3 weeks old but only to a certain level of rage. It's time to let her buck and snort.

I am realizing that she is like a stubborn horse that needs to be broken. I know, it sounds harsh, but I'm finally ready to break her and within 1 day I've already seen some great results.

I remember with Amelie the CIO method actually made her a happier baby overall. She slept better and therefore was happier during the day. But, the difference between these two girls is that I could schedule Amelie to a T. We had it down and she was very content. Brielle on the other hand seems like more of a free spirit. She also has more red in her hair, so I think she's just more stubborn. Her naps have been a fight, and the evenings are full of screaming and unhappiness. Not something I want for myself, or Brad who already comes home exhausted. Everyone says she's happier and smiley-er than Amelie, but that's only when she's being held. Sorry honey...this mom doesn't always want to be touched. We just aren't the touchiest of people, Brad and I, so holding you all day...not gonna happen. Welcome to the family...ha ha.

You want to play the stubborn game? Just ask Papa Gary...mommy always wins. (I love you dad..ha ha)

So far, this stallion is already a champ and within 1 day she is going down for naps a lot better. I know CIO is not for everyone, but I like my sleep and sanity. And to keep it even more real...I am guilty of putting the pillow over my head. It's actually very peaceful under there.

A happy mom is a happy home....GIDDYUP little pony!!!

For My Crazies...

Yesterday I hit a point where I thought I would lose it and told my husband that I quit...I'm done with this whole motherhood thing. It certainly was not true, but it felt good to say it. That being said, this blog is going to be raw, real, and honest. There will be many WTF moments, so I thought it appropriate to call it WTM...What the Motherhood?!?!?!

And so it begins...