In baby talk land...

Amelie (3 1/2 years old):

We went "Viking" and Amelie got a "Piggy Bank Ride". (Piggy back ride)

At church she made a sheep that had "Wolf" on it. (wool)

She also ran around the house looking through her "Noculators". (binoculars)

And when she was talking to my mom she gave the household report that Brielle was awake, Mommy was awake, and daddy was being grumpy.  YES!!!  she said it not me.  It was hilarious.

She sings a bedtime song that finishes with "And nestle into my nap".  She says "Neffle"

Brielle (20 months):

Brielle sings a part of twinkle twinkle little star like this..."Up a word so high".......all day

Her stuffed animal named Muno is "Meenum"

She says butt like BUTT and Amelie thinks it's hilarious and keeps saying "Brielle, say Butt...hahaha"

She also likes to shake her finger and say "NO NO"

Brielle the Tenacious

Yesterday may have been the hardest day yet with Brielle.  As her mom I want to help her figure out her problems and for a few hours I was an epic failure.

For a few months she has been struggling with me working.  She gets very mad at me when I come to pick her up.  I love that she loves her nana so much but I don't like that feeling of rejection.  I ignored it for the most part but it finally caught up to me.  I want my kids to want me, to need me, to love me...all the time, but they are human and that is an unachievable expectation.

Basically, she wouldn't take a nap and screamed for 2.5 hours.  I tried to comfort her and rock her and hold her and talk to her and sing to her.  She wanted nothing to do with me. She was mad at everything I tried.  I finally sat on the floor with her and she backed up and kept shaking her head no.  She didn't even want me looking at her.  I was feeling very anxious but remained calm.  I offered myself to her but she wasn't having it.  I finally put her back in bed and sweetly said it's nigh night time.  She freaked.

Then, Amelie started getting snotty so everyone went to bed.

I reached out to a few people and finally got ahold of my stepmom.  She answered the phone with..."are you crying?"

The feelings that I had for Brielle at that moment were intense and unacceptable but Carolle just listened and then offered some great advice.  The best thing to hear as a mom is that it's a season, it's a phase, and it will pass.  In the moment I feel like I don't like her, I don't know how to connect with her, and I don't know how to be her mom.  These are horrible feelings and once I can step out of the issue I realize it's the biggest lie that could ever be imagined or told.

Truly, it's these moments that make me realize how much I really do love her, I'm so deeply bonded with her, and I have been given the most amazing challenge and privilege...I am her mom.

And, it's these moments that show me why God put her on this earth.  In her youth she will make me a better person, but as an adult, she will change the world.

So, I guess I need to say Thank you Brielle.  Thank you for your tenacity.  Thank you for making me a better person and showing me my strengths and certainly my weaknesses.  It is an honor to so intimately be a part of your life and watch you grow up to do great things.

You are this magical blessing that enriches my life every day.