She's so Emo

I don't know if this is a California slang, but I hear kids referring to emotional people as Emo. At first I cringed at this word because it makes emotional people look like losers, but then I had a two year old. I have to admit that she can be very irrational and it's draining me of my energy. I'm not saying she is a loser, but I don't mind calling her Emo.

The terrible twos are quite the challenge and I see why people say consistency is so important. I think she is a very good little girl, but she is extremely sensitive and stubborn. It makes me think back to when she was a baby and how everyone thinks the first year is the hardest, but I loved my little pal. I agree that the first year is challenging, but there is something about a first child. It's 100% one on one and I miss it. I wish I would have blogged when she was a baby so that I would have kept those moments that can be so quickly forgotten.

I have more time to bond with Brielle than I thought I would, but it will never be like when Amelie and I were super pals. Now, my mind is racing faster, and there is more activity that takes me away from Brielle. Luckily I have my Wednesdays where nana takes Amelie so that Brielle and I can have the whole day together. It's amazing.

I had an hour of alone time with Brielle tonight because Brad took Amelie to the store. I had a very happy and Emo moment with her. I was listening to Pandora radio and a song called American Honey came on by Lady Antebellum. I was dancing with Brielle and she was smiling and enjoying it very much. I just looked at her and started to tear up. She is my American honey and I realized that the first year is all about falling in love with this person you hardly know. Even though she is my child I don't know fully know her yet. It takes time and I can't wait to find out who she is and what she will become. And, it's those moments where you bond and learn something about your child just from a smile or a laugh.

I am madly in love with my girls and I thank God for them. Biggest blessings of my life :) They make me so Emo, but in a very good way.

Calm

I have a friend that keeps telling me how calm I am with having two kids. I think she is my favorite person right now. It's funny how chaotic you can feel inside and then someone tells you something like this and you feel shock, surprise, and gratitude. I never give myself credit for remaining calm and allowing things to go wrong or differently than I had planned. I have been known to be a control freak and a little OCD. I think kids have broken me of this and it's liberating.

But, I couldn't have done it on my own. All moms need a good support system. You gotta have good friends and people to share your ups and your downs with. I am so grateful for all my friends who support me and allow me to be there for them as well.

So, raise your glass to friends, family, and anyone that supports you during motherhood.

I just want to thank you all :)

Mommy's Blog

Amelie took her little pink computer with her on a car ride and started saying that she has mommy's blog on her computer. I was very proud. She kept showing me and saying "See, I have mommy's blog on my computer". She then said that she has her own blog and even daddy's blog on her computer too.

And then to bring it back to a 2 year old level, she said that her blog was on her boob.

Allrighty then.

The little engine that couldn't

Amelie is capable of so much, but she gives up too easily on things. Her name means "hardworking" and I often wonder if she is not living up to it. Her new thing is "I can't do it" so I have been telling her to try it first and then ask for help. She is getting better and will sometimes say " I CAN do it", or "I DID it". She can be very proud of herself, but needs a little pushing.

I noticed this behavior at such a young age. Even as an infant she would try new things but give up quickly. Maybe she knew she would learn it eventually, so no rush. Brielle couldn't be any more the opposite. She wants to check everything out and she is starting to watch Amelie's every move. (I'm just glad Brielle can't take her own clothes off since that is what Amelie is always doing)

One thing Amelie is learning right now is to go potty on the toilet by herself. She is very independent so when she does decide to learn something new, she wants to do it all by herself. She tells me not to touch her or help her. She gets her step stool and pushes herself onto the toilet all by herself. She then puts her hands over her mouth with great excitement, so I join her and we get excited together. It's fun.

Parenting is most challenging because we are dealing with simple but yet complex little people. They know what they want, but they don't always know why. I feel like I want to know why she does things, but she can't tell me. She tries, but she doesn't grasp the explanation.

Our biggest challenge right now is that she refuses to stay dressed at bed time. She pees the bed, she is cold, and tonight she woke up knowing she had to pee, but it was too late, so she squatted on the floor and peed. She was screaming and crying so Brad ran in and here she was popping a squat. Then, we found her pajamas and her diaper stuffed in her toy box...WHAT???

WHY???

Well, Nana Pam is making her some pajamas tomorrow with a zipper on the back. That's the only thing we can think of right now. Hopefully it will work.

Until tomorrow my little naked engine. You CAN do it :)

Down Time

Awww, the girls just went down for their naps, I've just kicked my feet up and start leisurely playing with my phone. The next thing I know, I can hear balls being pushed into the air by this machine playing loud music. Ah yes, Amelie has decided to play with loud toys instead of taking a nap. The funny thing is, is that she probably thinks noone can hear her.

So, I walk in to tell her to go back to bed and if you have been reading my blog you could probably guess that she is once again naked. I've given up on diapers and clothes. She loves to be free and I can't blame her.

A few weeks ago I decided to surrender to the fact that I just don't get down time during the day. This has actually made me happier and more content when they wake up. I'm not bothered by them waking up anymore. I'm just embracing their presence and enjoying it. But, it took me a while to surrender to this and I'm happy to say I feel more peaceful during the day with lower expectations.

The moral of this story...Don't leave loud toys in a toddlers bedroom. ha ha ha

A Birthday Suit

For the last two nights Amelie has insisted on sleeping naked, not just in her underwear or a diaper, NO, I mean totally buck. Her two year old mind can't answer the question "why" yet, so tonight I figured it out through trial and error. She is potty trained by day, but not by night and I think she does not like a wet diaper on her skin anymore.

After the 3rd time of her coming out of her room totally naked and me getting her re-dressed and telling her to stay in bed; I was getting frustrated. So, I told her that if she does it again I am going to spank her bare booty. I like to remind her that a bare booty spanking hurts more than a diaper swat. Well, she did it again and I told her to get on her bed and turn over because I was going to spank her booty. So, she willingly rolled over and in a split second it occured to me that this isn't right. She is trying to tell me something and I can't spank a child for not wanting to wear a diaper. She is potty training...HELLO!!! So, I grabbed the diaper on the floor and sure enough, it was wet.

Instead of getting annoyed, I am chosing to think she is amazing. This girl potty trains herself and she knows when she is ready for stuff. Although I have not potty trained a toddler before, I am thinking that I'm lucky. She WANTS to do it and I think that is rare, so I need to be patient and listen to her cues. If she pees the bed, oh well. I have enough minky dot sheets to last a few days thanks to Nana Pam and I have chux pads from the hospital to protect the mattress.

My sweet little Amelie...you always know what you want and I love you for that. I will be waiting for you in the middle of the night whether it's "mommy, I have to go pee pee", or "mommy, I peed".

Brielle's friend Mat

Brielle's best friend is Mat. He is a colorful character, keeps her attention for long periods of time, and likes to sing the same song over and over and over again. His first name is play and he has no last name.

Yes, my friends, her best friend is her play mat. And, it has also become my best friend because it allows me to get things done. All I have to do is check in here and there, give a big smile, and squeal some lovely delights her way. She then kicks and smiles and carries on like her and Mat have things to do.

It's amazing to me the simplicity a baby requires. All she needs is some color, music, and a few textures and voila....MIND BLOWN!!!

As a first time mom, I would feel guilty for leaving Amelie in her mat, like I wasn't giving her enough attention. But I've realized that babies let you know when they need you. I think Brielle needs more attention than Amelie did and Amelie is still very independent. It takes more of my time to keep Brielle happy, but I'm embracing it because she is the sweetest and smiley-est baby I've ever known. I'm literally falling in love with her. I think it's healthy to admit that it takes time to connect with your children and I'm loving the connection that she and I are forming.

Thanks Mat for helping me every day to get things done around the house and keeping my little B happy :)

Stating the Obvious

It's funny how kids like to point out the obvious. Amelie likes to announce if someone has tooted, or tell you what color everything is. She also is starting to understand that things match, so she finds two of the same color and asks "this match"?

My favorite is when she is upset and crying, she will say "Amelie crying" or "Amelie happy". It's obvious that she is crying, but I wonder if she is trying to convince herself that she is happy, like maybe it's the only way she is going to pull through such devastation, by screaming out "Amelie happy".

She can be very emotional and while she has a strong personality, she is very sensitive and caring. I didn't notice this in full force until Brielle came along. Amelie truly loves her and it's a blatant answer to prayer. I did not expect her to love Brielle. I expected jealousy and frustration and she is none of that. She wants Brielle in her life and she wants to nurture her and protect her. One of the most amazing feelings a mom can have is for her children to truly love each other and even like each other.

Thank you God for this blessing. This is how you show yourself to me. :)

Amelie...isms

I have been wanting to write down some of Amelie's botched words because they are so adorable. The funny thing about Amelie is that if you correct her, she pronounces it even stronger in her form. Of course...she's like her mom. And, she still talks in 3rd person a lot, which is cute but she is learning to use I and me. She is also learning to say May I have this, but it comes out like "May I Amelie wanna have this"

Here are a few:

Dinky = Blankie (This one is from about 6 months ago, she now says blankie, but I miss dinky)

Sodat = Soda (Daddy's sodat, mommy's sodat, Amelie want sodat...ha ha)

Glassen = Glasses

Ambry Birds = Angry Birds

Ampy Kim = Auntie Kim

Clop = Clock

Jesus House = Church

Howp, Howp = Help, Help (She can say help perfectly now, but she just saw a video of herself learning to walk and she was saying howp howp in the video, so she just started saying it again. She loves watching baby Amelie in videos...so cute)

Fix the eyses = This is the story of when Jesus healed the blind man and she wants us to read it to her every night. And, apparently mommy and daddy are Adam and Eve.

Ever, Ever, Ever = This is what she repeats to me lately to tell me she wont ever, ever, ever do something she knows she should not do. (example-Amelie dont ever, ever, ever touch this)

And, my favorite..."Shhh, Bwielle Sweeping"

Swift kick in the...

Have you ever wished you could write a word on your foot and kick it into someone or something? Today I was wanting to write the word sense on my foot and kick it into my dog. You know...kick some sense into him.

I love Forest and Wyatt, but they are Weimaraners. No matter what...they are annoying. The amount of energy that builds up in these dogs is ridiculous. I know their lives have changed a lot since we have had kids but I have moments where I want to just leave the front door open and hope they find a better home. But the reality is, they are great dogs. Forest is great with my children, and I love him.

Brad says that kids who grow up without dogs are weird. I wouldn't take it that far, but I think it's his way of convincing me to keep the dogs. I have moments where my crazy meter just goes off and my first victims are the dogs. It's like I have 4 little beings sucking life out of me and if I could just get rid of one or two of them maybe life would be easier. NEVER do I want to get rid of my kids, just to make this clear, but I DO like to send them over to Gramma's. Luckily, she loves my dogs too and I am very grateful for her help. Every mom needs help. Don't ever try to do this motherhood thing by yourself. It just doesn't work.

Now, if I could get some Vapoorize, life would be much easier.

I'm sorry honey...it's dead

It's hard to teach children about things that die. This lesson in life has finally come for Amelie. She is already learning that things die and it breaks my heart that she has to learn this at such a young age. Something very special to her died today. There were tears, there was screaming, she was even mad. And, you think how could a two year old grasp this concept.

Well, I'm happy to say that the ipod is charged now, and she is back to her happy self.

PHEW...crisis averted!!!

Another Brad...ism

I was just thinking about another funny thing that Brad did a while back at work.

His IT guy was working on his computer and as they were talking about how to transfer data, the guy shows him a usb flash drive that is dangling around his neck and says, "that's why I have one of these", (as if it's like the coolest new trend) so Brad tells him that he does not have a usb hanging from his neck but what he does have is one of these. He then points to a picture of me...his wife.

This guy cracks me up.

Somewhere between zz top and homeless

"There's only two kinds of people that walk this earth beardless...Boys, and Women...and I am neither."

This is how Brad convinced me to accept that he had decided to grow a beard. How did I find this joker?

I was not a fan of the beard idea at first but after about a month it has softened up and I have grown quite fond of it. I kinda like the mountain man look.

It's also attracting a lot of attention. He had a buddy stop by the other day just so he could show his father in law Brad's beard. They asked him how long he was going to let it grow and he replied "somewhere between zz top and homeless". Where does he come up with this stuff? I will admit that my husband can be pretty witty and funny.

So far, Brielle loves it when he rubs his beard on her naked belly. She giggles and squeals with delight. It's pretty cute.

I wonder if mommy would react the same way...ha ha ha.

45 Minute Intruder

So, I am babywise mom. I think the concept of scheduling and crying it out just works for me. Now Brielle is much harder to control and I've accepted that, but one thing she has struggled with the most what the book calls the "45 minute intruder". Apparently, babies need at least two 1.5 hour naps a day but for some reason they like to wake up half way through. Brielle is down to the minute. Once 45 minutes is up, she is awake and it's killing me. Not only does this not give me any time to myself, but she is still tired when she wakes up.

So, what I've been doing is letting her cry and if she gets to elevated I just go and put a pacifier in her mouth. She has taken to the pacifier all of a sudden and it's been awesome.

Well, good news!!! Today she woke up, looked around, rubbed her eyes, and went back to sleep. Thank you GOD, and thank you Babywise for guiding me through this process. I am realizing that it only takes a few tries of sticking to your guns and babies adjust very quickly. I am really starting to see my days getting easier...I'm crossing my fingers for a new and wonderful pattern of excellent sleep.

My stallion is taming.

Hey Woser

Apparently I often call the dogs losers because now my two year old runs after them saying..."Hey Woser, Hey Woser". Brad is not fond of this, but I think it's hilarious. She also likes to squirt them with water when they bark and shake her finger at them and tell them "NO, NO". I think it's a good thing that she becomes a pack leader because Weimaraners are constantly fighting for position. They are pushy and hyper and my girls need to know how to control them.

We also ask Amelie "What's Wyatt" and she says "He's old". Then we ask her "What's Forest" and she says "He's a bad boy". ha ha ha ha. That one's going to stick.

It's been fun watching a child learn to talk. People always talk about how funny toddlers/kids can be and I'm starting to see why. I never liked babysitting other kids, so I didn't have much experience with them before. But, I really appreciate kids now that I've had my own. I can relate to them better now and I can say that I actually like kids even though sometimes they too can be Wosers...ha ha ha.

I am not a chew toy, nor am I a chalkboard

Um, excuse me, if you need to look at something, can you let go first? And, if you are frustrated, can you consider biting something else??? I know you are just a baby, but dont you think after the millionth time that I squeal and jab you in the ribs that you could start to associate that what you are doing is totally inappropriate?

If you haven't figured it out yet, Brielle has decided that I am her chew toy. Let's just say that I don't think that part of my body is supposed to stretch that far. And to top it off, she runs her nails down my skin like a chalkboard.

The crazy thing is, is that when I get after her she looks at me and smiles the biggest gummy grin and I just love her for it.

I'm amazed at how much abuse I can take and they still melt my heart. I almost try to lose my temper just because being crazy just feels good some times, but God is showing me that I'm not as intense as I thought I was. I'm actually so in love with my kids that my anger can turn into laughter and my temper is fighting to exist. If I am tired or sick and run down, the temper lives; otherwise, I think my kids might have it pretty good. :)

Order and Symmetry

I'm the type of person that can not handle chaos. I like order and symmetry. This apparently does not work very well with motherhood. I do however love how motherhood changes my perspective and priorities. I still keep my house fairly clean and orderly, but some moments it's like a hurricane went through my house and I've learned to just pick certain things to clean up. It's like I have to look at my house in phases, otherwise I will go insane.

My first experience with an artistic/non-orderly person was my college dorm roommate, Kimberly Weeldreyer. I remember when we were moving our stuff in together and I was placing small items on the dresser for decoration. Now keep in mind that each piece was in the perfect spot and was positioned just right. She comes over and moves them all around and says something like not everything has to be symmetrical. Ummm, yes it does. I remember stepping back and realizing that my world was not the same world for everyone else and that I was going to have to adjust. This girl was going to teach me some things. She is still a very dear friend and I love her but that doesn't mean I would let her come change my house around...ha ha ha.

I think the same is happening with my kids. They are teaching me so much about myself. Sometimes I have to let go of what I want to control in order to allow them to be themselves and thrive in who God has created them to be and I love to watch them explore and learn.

While we teach our kids to learn and reflect we too are doing the same. I appreciate all the people in my life that have made me who I am today and I thank God for my kids who will continue to challenge me and make me a better person...most of the time, because sometimes they make me a bad person too, but let's try to keep those moments at bay :)

Brielle the Stallion

Well, I finally decided to take crying it out to another level. I have been letting Brielle CIO as they call it since about 3 weeks old but only to a certain level of rage. It's time to let her buck and snort.

I am realizing that she is like a stubborn horse that needs to be broken. I know, it sounds harsh, but I'm finally ready to break her and within 1 day I've already seen some great results.

I remember with Amelie the CIO method actually made her a happier baby overall. She slept better and therefore was happier during the day. But, the difference between these two girls is that I could schedule Amelie to a T. We had it down and she was very content. Brielle on the other hand seems like more of a free spirit. She also has more red in her hair, so I think she's just more stubborn. Her naps have been a fight, and the evenings are full of screaming and unhappiness. Not something I want for myself, or Brad who already comes home exhausted. Everyone says she's happier and smiley-er than Amelie, but that's only when she's being held. Sorry honey...this mom doesn't always want to be touched. We just aren't the touchiest of people, Brad and I, so holding you all day...not gonna happen. Welcome to the family...ha ha.

You want to play the stubborn game? Just ask Papa Gary...mommy always wins. (I love you dad..ha ha)

So far, this stallion is already a champ and within 1 day she is going down for naps a lot better. I know CIO is not for everyone, but I like my sleep and sanity. And to keep it even more real...I am guilty of putting the pillow over my head. It's actually very peaceful under there.

A happy mom is a happy home....GIDDYUP little pony!!!

For My Crazies...

Yesterday I hit a point where I thought I would lose it and told my husband that I quit...I'm done with this whole motherhood thing. It certainly was not true, but it felt good to say it. That being said, this blog is going to be raw, real, and honest. There will be many WTF moments, so I thought it appropriate to call it WTM...What the Motherhood?!?!?!

And so it begins...